Ask Auntie Feck- Feck TV Agony Aunt

ask auntie feckFeck TV’s very Own Agony Aunt Comes to You Daily With a Healthy Dose of Advise, Answering all Your Questions about Life and Love…Warning! The Truth May Hurt a Little.

After sorting yesterday’s problems, Auntie Feck returns to give more good advice.

Male, 50, Likes to Photocopy Himself

Dear Auntie Feck: I sometimes get a thrill out of photocopying my genitals at work. I am the manager of a big company and in my office there is a big photocopier. I don’t know why I like doing this, maybe it is the thrill of getting caught, I dunno. Drunk at a work party one night  I foolishly admitted this to one of my female colleague’s who, to my surprise, told me she loves to do the same thing! We set up a sneaky date, just as friends because I am married,  to photocopy one another. We would have both kept our own prints, it was really just to share time with a like minded spirit, my wife would never understand. Out of nowhere another male colleague walked in seen what we were doing and is bribing lots of money from me now so he won’t tell my wife. What can I do? She won’t understand!…The Big P.

Dear The Big P: This guy sounds like a bully and a scoundrel. I would love to tell you to bash his face in but violence isn’t acceptable, plus you would just get done for assault in the work place. Best thing to do would be to call his bluff and tell your wife. What you are doing is pretty harmless and pretty childish, probably just reliving your youth. Show your wife the pictures first then tell her about the other woman, invite them both to chat about it. Honesty is the best policy and you haven’t done anything wrong so you are guilt free!

Male, 31, Used and Alone

Dear Auntie Feck: I feel like I am a full time agony uncle! All my female friends do is bitch about their boyfriends to me or else use me as a giant kleenex if they break up. I am constantly their shoulder to cry on but I am only ever seen as a friend or a good ear. I don’t know how they expect me to answer their problems when I don’t even have a love life of my own..Help!..Loney31

Dear Lonely31: First off, send em my way! I’ll have the answer to all their problems! Secondly if you don’t want to listen to these girls, tell them! I’m sure they have girlfriends to cry to. Maybe a few drinks might losen one of them up for a little rebound sex. If not, well then just keep on doing as you are, girls love to have a male friend. Is it really doing any harm? Tell them you want some action i’m sure they have plenty of friends willing. Best of luck.

Female, 23, Wants to Dance

Dear Auntie Feck: Me and my boyfriend have a great relationship, apart from one thing…he won’t dance with me. I love to dance when we go to parties, nightclubs, weddings even in the kitchen, but no matter where we are he pint blank refuses. He won’t even tell me why! I have tried everything, reasoning with him, complaining, silent treatment, bribing him with sex. One night he even said if I got him drunk he would dance so I got him drunk and then he just laughed and said not a chance but thanks for all the free booze, bastard! I have even suggested dancing classes, nothing will work. It is the only thing stopping our relationship from being perfect…how can I change his mind?…Dancing Queen

Dear Dancing Queen: The only thing wrong in your relationship is you and the only thing that needs changing is you! If the man doesn’t wana dance leave him be. Most men don’t dance and when they do it consists of a lot of jumping and flailing, maybe you should thank him for saving you from the embarrassment. Really, I think you should go and give him a big kiss and thank the divine jaysus that this is your only relationship worry. Even Bruno Mars lost a girl because he wouldn’t dance with her…and that man is fiiiine! Maybe you just need to stop nagging and be happy with what you have before he dumps your sorry ass.

Male, 18, Dumped on First Date

Dear Auntie Feck: I recently brought a girl out on a date to a lovely and quite expensive restaurant in the city. The date was going really well until I got up to pay. I had bought a Groupon voucher for the meal, otherwise I could have never brought her to such a fancy place. It is really pricey and i’m only in college. The voucher meant that we got a 2 course meal plus a bottle of wine for 58% less than the full price. She looked at me horrified and walked out of the restaurant. I received a text seconds later saying “don’t follow me, don’t get in touch, delete my number”, that was it. What did I do wrong? Is it really bad using a Groupon on a first date?…Confused

Dear Confused: You had a lucky escape, this girl CLEARLY has an attitude problem. You didn’t ask her for money for her half and still generously brought her out. Does she not realise that you PAY for the groupon voucher, they are not free. Personally, I would commend someone for using one on a date, it means you get better value for money, get to a classy place that should cost a fortune and have a little bit of extra cash you can spend on drinks or something else fun that you haven’t wasted on a meal. You my friend, are a keeper! Some girl will be lucky to have you some day.

That is all the questions Auntie Feck received today! Have you any questions? Don’t be shy it doesn’t matter how strange or bad you may think they are. Identities always kept secret. Email rachelmasterson@fecktv.com or contact us through the Feck TV Facebook or Twitter. Check back tomorrow and every day for your daily dose! 

 

 

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